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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340265">I have no idea what I'm doing at all...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashgoblin45/pseuds/trashgoblin45'>trashgoblin45</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Camping, Canon-Typical Violence, Confusion, Explicit Language, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Language Barrier, MGiME, Magic, Modern Girl in Middle Earth, Survival</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:20:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,227</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26340265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashgoblin45/pseuds/trashgoblin45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I was just an college student, splitting my time between agriculture and natural sciences. And so what, if one day I wanted to stargaze in the woods near my house? But before I knew it, I had fallen asleep......in the tree. </p>
<p>Only, when I woke up I was no longer in the tree. Actually, I had no idea where I was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hobbit/LotR x reader<br/>Reposted on Wattpad</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Beginning</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“…I should have listened to Josh”</p>
<p>I swung my shoulder-length streaked hair back as I heaved my backpack home after a long day at college. Before I set off this morning, he had suggested taking some shit out of it. I suppose I should have, if the backache I now have is any indicator. Though…… I need everything in my bag, right? I mean, I need my notebooks and supplies for college, and the emergency stuff is, obviously, for emergencies. What if I get stranded?</p>
<p>Rounding the street corner, my house finally came into view. It was just an ordinary terraced house on the outside, but as I walked through the front door, the paint and tools scattered everywhere, not to mention the inspirational quotes strung on the walls immediately show it’s an artist’s house. My stomach grumbled as the distinct smell of my house mate’s cooking flooded the kitchen and living room.</p>
<p>“Honey, I’m home!” I yelled. It was an inside joke between the two of us to act like we’re together.</p>
<p>“Hey, glad you got back safe! Any incidents I should know about?”</p>
<p>“Nah, just a couple of douchebags at college again.”</p>
<p>After answering Josh, I decided to move into the kitchen to see what was cooking. Seeing the remains of the cake batter, I couldn’t resist. ‘Just a little wouldn’t hurt, right? Nah’</p>
<p>“I see you there, sweetheart”</p>
<p>I chuckled nervously, already regretting being caught.</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>Spread-eagled on the floor, I decided to officially give up on my coursework for the night - it was getting late - and I wanted to do some stargazing before I went to bed, my days in high-school astronomy class still affected me today. Throwing on an oversized jumper to protect my arms from the bitter autumn wind, I crept downstairs and onto the front steps. Sitting down to put my walking shoes on, I noticed that it was suspiciously quiet for a busy neighbourhood. I quietly shut the door behind me, slung my bag onto my shoulder, and made my way into the woods.</p>
<p>It was the best place around to go stargazing – it was large enough that the streetlights didn’t affect your vision. After climbing to the top of my favourite tree, and though many of the stars were masked by the light pollution from the city, I found my favourite constellation, Cassiopeia. The strange crown-like shape of it had always been easily recognisable to me. I laid back to mull over the events of the day, and my mind drifted back to the time Josh and I first met.</p>
<p>
  <em>It was the first day back from Christmas break, and I had had enough of everyone’s bullshit already. Being around the same few people for two weeks had put my mind on edge with being around large numbers of the douchebags. As soon as the day finished I ran off into the woods, ignoring the shouts of my few friends, desperate to find somewhere I could calm myself. I scrambled up one of the trees, thanking god for practising climbing when I was younger. Josh must’ve been on his way home but he stopped under my tree noticing me. He comforted me then and asked if I needed him the next day in school. We’ve been best buds ever since – he’s like a big brother to me.</em>
</p>
<p>Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep……in the tree.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Short chapter to start?</p><p>Thoughts?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Wtf is going on?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunlight struck my face and I scrunched my nose in an attempt to block it out. I rolled over to get some more sleep, when I heard the birds. Why are there birds in my room?</p><p>Slowly, I cracked my eyes open to see rich, dark earth and the odd dead stick. Jerking upright, I noticed the trees around me. I calmed realising I fell asleep in a tree, but then something set off alarm bells in my head. I fell asleep in the tree. I'm on the floor.</p><p>"What the fuck?! The hell am I?" Multiple birds squawked as they were disturbed by my panicked yelling. I could clearly tell this wasn't the forest I fell asleep in because a) I was on the floor, and b) these were completely different trees. The ones in my forest were pine, with a few scattered oak trees – these were mostly elm, but there were a few I didn't even recognise. 'Where the hell are my woods? How did I get here? What just happened? Why is it so damn warm?' Throwing my jacket off, I quickly scrambled to my feet and tied it around my waist. All I found nearby was my backpack, which now makes sense cos I was wearing it but at the time I was a bit panicked, if ya couldn't tell.</p><p>Obviously overwhelmed by the change in scenery, I couldn't control my emotions like usual – and so I sat down heavily, eyes filling with tears. After a period of confusion, I wiped my eyes and stood up, wringing out my now-soaked green jumper.</p><p>Once I'd calmed down a tad, I tried to focus on the priorities. I stumbled to my bag and picked it up. I knew that I needed to find some kind of shelter or civilisation before the sun set, so my first priority would be finding the time. Rifling through my bag, I noticed something vital – my phone wasn't there. Shit! Of course, I had left it on my nightstand to charge while I slept like usual, but I was a bit muddled at this point. Digging through my backpack, I found it was still full of my college books and supplies. Unzipping the front pocket, I found my preparation had paid off. It was full of all my emergency shit: some cereal bars, a bottle of water, a pair of secateurs, antiseptic cream, bandages, and water purification tablets. Josh thought I was insanely paranoid for taking all this shit everywhere. But hey! Who's laughing now?</p><p>Now slightly calmer due to the familiarity of my shit, I wracked my brain to figure out what to do next. Finally coming to a decision, I pulled my bag on and found a suitable tree. Climbing to the top of it, I scoured the sky, hoping to find the sun. It was directly above me, high and bright. I knew this meant that it was sometime near midday, 'cause I remember useless shit from those god-awful girl-guiding sessions. It's not useless now I guess. I then looked around to try and find some sort of civilisation. Finding nothing but trees as far as I could see and a cliff behind me, I decided to just follow my nose, as Gandalf tells everyone to do. I mean, I kinda sorta didn't but it sounded cooler in my head. Swinging back down the tree, I continued on foot through the forest. I had set off in the direction away from the cliff - I knew that I would most likely fail in climbing it (and there was no chance anyone was living in a mountain eh?), though regretted giving up the high ground.</p><p>-----</p><p>I found the edge of the forest, finally.</p><p>Only, all I could see was a large plain. Then what seemed like another forest on the other side.</p><p>"Well....isn't that helpful" I muttered. "Maybe it would just be best for me to try and survive within the forest. After all, I ain't gonna find any food out here"</p><p>Deciding to just wait out inevitable death inside the forest, away from detection, I made my way to a large rowan. I had been venturing towards the edge of the forest for what felt like years so I pulled a bottle of water from my backpack and took a few sips. I knew I needed to save water though, so I also rationed myself till I found a safe water source.</p><p>"I wonder, would a house, a hole, or a tree-house be safer? A hole would be easier to dig at short notice, though I got no spade, but I could makeshift a tree house for the night. Might fall out of it though..." Well one thing was for sure, I needed to stop talking to myself. Though I did not notice, I had been spotted by something, hidden carefully under his protective fur and cleverly chosen spot of refuge. ...I sound archaic talking like this heh.</p><p>Crack</p><p>Clothes flapping around me, I swirled round, immediately becoming defensive. The quiet sounds continued, till a small body, for that's all it was (bummer), launched itself out of the underbrush and started trying to attack me. Acting quickly, I threw up my hands, catching my attacker by the chest.</p><p>Breathing heavily, I examined the body, finding it to be just a small animal, a brown bobcat to be exact.</p><p>"Oh my goodness, well aren't you just the cutest little fella? Aww... Pfft what am I doing, come on dude you're being disrespectful here the cat is intelligent enough to not be treated like a child."</p><p>"Damn right I am, stupid humans always thinking we can't understand them."</p><p>Shrieking, I immediately dropped the cat "Wait you can TALK?! WHAT THE SHIT!"</p><p>"You can understand me?!"</p><p>I dropped to the floor.</p><p>"Shit"</p><p>-----</p><p>My head was swimming when I came to. As my vision finally focused I could see that it was dark, too dark. I shot up, immediately looking for threats. People might think that this is weird, but I seem to have always had higher sense of paranoia when I'm outside in the dark. I don't mind the dark, not at all, I just take extra care to be careful – my dad drilled it into my head that I was always vulnerable to threats; I'm a girl after all.</p><p>The last thing I remember was that stupid cat, and I could hear it talking? Well, there's no cat around here so maybe that was just a dream? Hallucination, maybe? I carefully examined my surroundings again and saw a faint light coming from the direction of the plains I saw earlier. I wonder what that is.</p><p>Creeping towards the forest edge trying to make as little noise as possible, I started at the sight of a farm house. Where did that come from? I quickly ran towards it, praying that there was somebody inside. I skidded to a stop at the door and composed myself before knocking. The old door creaked open to reveal a middle aged man and a similarly aged woman who I'm assuming is his wife, with how they're holding each other. They seemed to be dressed in medieval-esque clothes, but I hadn't commented on it in my rush to get inside.</p><p>"Um... I'm sorry to bother you, sir, miss, but could you possibly tell me where we are?"</p><p>The man stood there staring at my clothes like they were the strangest thing he'd ever seen. I suppose my dirty trackies, t-shirt and green jumper were a little out of fashion. "Oh dear yes of course, come on in, you must be frozen," the nice lady ushered me inside, elbowing her husband on the way past, wrapping me in a woollen blanket and leading me towards a stool, the man quickly shutting the door behind us.</p><p>"We're on the borders of The Trollshaws o'course. Di'ya not know lassie?"</p><p>I sputtered on the tea Freda, I think she said her name was, had given me. "The Trollshaws?"</p><p>"Aye"</p><p>".......shit"</p><p>Now I haven't told you this yet but my father had a collector's edition book and film set of Lord of the Rings at home, which included the Silmarillion and The Hobbit. I had always enjoyed the series and made a point to keep my memory up to date about the happenings in it. The reason I'm telling you this is because that's how I recognised the name of where I was. The Trollshaws is the name of the land east of Eriador, between Hoarwell and Bruinen. The south of Rivendell is located in The Trollshaws.</p><p>This is where it begins to get a little bat-shit crazy.</p><p>-----</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm having fun with this!!</p><p>:))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Elves and Hill-men</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning! Possible triggers at the third divider<br/>You can skip if wanted</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I spent the night at Freda and Reuel's farm and left at first light - I don't want to burden them and I have enough survival knowledge to manage by myself in the wild. Freda wanted me to stay, she'd always wanted a child, but I had to tell her that I must go and figure out why I was here. Thankfully both she and Reuel accepted this, though they cautioned me about the dangers in the land here and even gave me some salted meat to help me on my way. I wish they hadn't, because I knew how hard it must be for them to come across meat but Reuel insisted.</p><p>As I made my way west, I knew I had to find Lady Gaga, or Lady Galadriel as you might know her. She was the only one I could think of that might be able to help me. I spent a day or two trekking towards Rivendell in the hopes of finding shelter for the night there and continuing to Lorien, but once I arrived it went a bit pear shaped...</p><p> </p><p>-----</p><p> </p><p>The walk to Rivendell was longer than I thought it would be. It was around now I remember thinking, “my feet hurt like a mother fucker but I have to carry on otherwise I won’t be able to do shit in this universe”. I suppose it’s lucky that I run every morning? I didn’t even used to be able to run one lap around the track without my asthma kicking up, but now, because I’ve been running since I was 14, my personal best is now 8.7 miles. I made it about halfway there before I had to stop. On route, I had found an abandoned farmhouse, very similar looking to the one the dwarves camp in, in the first Hobbit movie.</p><p>“Oh shit boys, we’re getting close….”</p><p>I perched on one of the fallen logs in the house, digging the last piece of my jerky out of my backpack. I really needed to reach Rivendell soon or I was gonna run out of food, I could keep filling up my water bottle but I refused to kill an animal yet. I wasn’t that desperate. I thought about what I was doing, who did I think I was to go trekking to Lord Elrond and demanding things of him. He’s an elf-lord for Christ’s sake. They’d probably all think I was a psycho too; I was wandering into an elf sanctuary with ‘weapons’ in my bag, dressed in foreign, probably inappropriate too, clothes, and I claim to know the future. I’d probably be shot down by a scout before I even reached the entrance…</p><p>I’d been so caught up in thinking that I’d forgotten the last thing Reuel said to me, “Never get distracted in this part of the woods”. They’d both warned me about the dangers and I had forgotten.</p><p>“Oho whadda we have ‘ere boys”</p><p>“OI, gerroff me you CUNTS”</p><p>-----</p><p>It turns out that I’d been followed by a hill-man, servant of the Witch-king Angmar.  He and a few of his cronies had nabbed me when I was resting on the log, I’m proud to say it did take a few of them to hold me down. They didn’t manage to hold me down for long though, I fought with all my strength and I managed to finally knee one of them in the dick. He grunted and crumpled but was quickly replaced by another one, this one grabbing me leg so I couldn’t knee him too. Eventually I just decided to fall limp. The leader seemed to slump with relief, as though he needed me alive and cooperative.</p><p> Sike! I screeched as loud as I could and deafened the two nearest me. Taking advantage of their momentary confusion, I bit one’s finger off and kicked a third in the face. I was too heavy for the forth to suddenly support all of my weight on his own so he dropped me and I spat blood, and the other dude’s finger, in the leader’s face. With them all disorientated or incapacitated I pegged it to my bag, then ran as fast as I could into the dense forest surrounding us. I quickly scrambled up a tree, far enough away so they couldn’t see me, but close enough so I had enough energy to get to the top, and so I could keep an eye on them.</p><p>I waited a few minutes and slowly hung myself upside down in the tree to see if it was safe to come down, and what I saw surprised me. A lot. There were three elvish scouts here! One of them seemed to be emitting some kind of glowy golden light, while the other two had dark hair, and they looked incredibly similar. They must be twins! Twins………I only know of four sets of elven twins in the entire series, and in this period of time then these guys must be…Elladan and Elrohir. Shiiiiiiiiiit. Surely then, that golden dude must be Glorfindel right…?</p><p>As silently as I could I swung back up into the tree, only the branch I was on didn’t hold my weight this time. CRACK!</p><p>“Shit shit shit, no what are you doing? You had no right to snaaaAAAAAAP!”</p><p>THUD</p><p>Vision swimming, I felt the cool kiss of metal at my throat. I blinked rapidly to try and get a clear view of what was going on but all I could make out was two very similar looking dark shapes in the rapidly darkening sky. Shit.</p><p>-----</p><p>It was dark there.</p><p>I stumbled around trying to find an exit but the darkness was creeping in. I couldn’t see anything. There was a tightness in my chest that was making it hard to breathe, a lump in my throat meaning I couldn’t swallow, a stinging behind my eyes I couldn’t shake. My legs were trembling, mind overflowing with anxieties and theories on how to escape. Only…there was no escape, just darkness. My face grew hot as I struggled to keep it in, screaming inside to be let out. Suddenly, there were hands in the darkness, roaming places that shouldn’t be touched. Roaming where I didn’t want them. Harsh. Violent. There were screams in the distance, a girl. Screaming someone’s name, screaming in a different language, one that was usually so graceful. Hoarse yells sounded in my ears and I screamed. Screaming and crying for someone to let me out. To relieve me of this pain, these memories, this darkness. The darkness creeping up my throat, seeping through my entire being. There was a male voice then, yelling for help. The girl, screeching for her father. Behind me a light grew. I turned thankful, tears streaking down my cheeks. But it wasn’t a light I wanted. A heat like no other swept across me. Roaring, red, crackling flames blazed before me, ignited from the depths. The smoke hit me second, thick, black, choking smoke, filling up my lungs, blinding me, suffocating me. I struggled to take in a breath, before the furnace swallowed me whole. Finally, the fire rose up in front of me and I shut my eyes, accepting my death.</p><p>The last thing I saw was a laughing silhouette.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>feedback is appreciated lol :)))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Bruinen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I shot upright in bed, as a scream escaped my lips. I scrambled back into the headboard, breath coming in short gasps. A hand reached out onto my shoulder but I flinched back and it soon retreated. As I calmed down I could finally see who it was that was stood next to the infirmary (?) bed. It was Lord Elrond and his daughter, Lady Arwen. I scooted away even further, pressing myself into the solid wood.</p><p>My god…Arwen truly is beautiful, she certainly was as fair a maiden as the books portrayed her as; I can see why Aragorn is so obsessed with this gal. Mind you, Lord Elrond ain’t that bad either, damn what’s with all these elves looking so pretty. I was so focused on their looks I didn’t notice Elrond talking.</p><p>“…miss?”</p><p>I could tell that Lord Elrond seemed concerned about my nightmare, so I guess it’s a good job I didn’t tell him it was an almost nightly occurrence, although this one was different. Besides I was already trying to get out of bed and ready to leave. Arwen, however, had other plans. She decided she was going to try and help me get dressed or so I assumed, and naturally, I panicked. Again. So like any normal person, I yeeted it outta the window. Good job that they don’t have glass in their windows aha. After that I pegged it down the street past all the guards and onto the bridge. The golden elf, Glorfindel, had caught up to me by this time though I didn’t know cos I was facing away from him and lemme tell you, he is quiet as fuck! Now, I was in the middle of the bridge, the thinnest part, when he decided to announce his appearance. This was the worst idea he’d ever had (in my opinion), because this obviously led to me getting jump scared. And being jump scared on a thin-ass bridge ain’t a good idea. Unfortunately, I slipped and almost fell off into the river, however, Mr. Elfy over here had the bright idea to try and grab me. That succeeded. Not... He managed to grab my shirt sleeve but that only held for long enough for me to lock eyes with the bastard. Those clear, shining eyes were the last thing I saw before my vision was filled with the foamy, white waters of the Bruinen.</p><p>The cold of the river shocked me to the core, and I went under for a while. By the time I had resurfaced, Rivendell was already well outta sight. I managed to grab a tree branch and stay afloat a while longer, but I did swallow a lot of water. As soon as the river calmed down somewhat I climbed out, legs and arms trembling and teeth chattering from cold. I looked back and the only thing I could see was the river and the joining of it with the other river. That other one must be Hoarwell, if I was in the Bruinen. …that means I can make my way down river till I reach Tharbad and take the Green Way up to the Shire, right? I’m so glad I memorised that map in the front of those books. I know one thing though…I ain’t swimming all that way.</p><p>Once I had warmed up a bit, just enough to stop shivering, I decided to make a raft - it was quicker and easier than making a boat. So, using all my strength I brought 6 largish logs from a small copse of trees nearby down to the river bank, as well as some vines and a bit of brush. I lashed four logs together parallel with the vines, then on top of those the other two perpendicular to the four. I then tipped the makeshift raft upside down and laid the brush on top so it would be slightly more comfortable for me, as I remembered the trip being around 3 or 4 days on horseback. While galloping.  As such I gathered my shit up, id taken my socks and shoes etc. off to dry, it had dried perfectly well on the warm bank while I built my raft, and set off down the river with a good amount of dandelion plants I found by the trees so I wouldn’t starve.</p><p>Tying my raft to me and shoving it into the water, I took a final look towards the direction of Rivendell before I had to jump on it so I wouldn’t be swept away. The wild waters of the river quickly shoved me towards Tharbad.</p><p>-----</p><p>A few days later, I had run out of dandelions and was beginning to give up. But then I looked towards where I was going and almost shat myself. Fuck yeah! I’d reached Tharbad!</p><p>I paddled towards the bank before I actually reached the city so I didn’t have to socialise, and jumped off and dragged the raft out of the water. Untying myself from the wood, I stumbled before getting my land-legs back and set off towards a small group of silhouettes, hoping there was someone there that would actually help me. I was wrong…it was a group of horses.</p><p>And so, very slowly and cautiously, I approached the group. I was crazy here, but I needed a way to get up to the Shire quickly without having to walk all that way so what did you expect? They were all beautiful horses, wild and free, grazing the short grass around their hooves. I stopped when I was about 5 feet away while one of them noticed me, and just appreciated the sight before me. Almost all of them were chestnut or sandy coloured with dark socks. One dappled dark, almost chocolate, brown horse noticed me. It had the most emotional, intelligent dark eyes I’d ever seen on an animal, and that emotion quickly turned to fright. I crouched lower into myself to make myself look less threatening, and slowly approached it, both hands in front of me palms up. One was full with a handful of dandelion leaves I picked as I got out of the river for me to eat, but I held them out for the horse to sniff as I got closer. It quickly calmed as I realised I wasn’t going to hurt it or the herd. I stood up all the way and after snatching the leaves, the horse stood back while chewing. I kept still as it approached me and it laid its head on my shoulder. I placed a hand on its neck and stroked its beautiful mane.</p><p> I retreated to grab more dandelions from where I had dumped them and then approached the horse again. Crouching to see if it were a boy or a girl, I then looked at her to ask permission to mount. She seemed to nod, and I heaved myself onto her back. I leant over to whisper in her ear and said,</p><p>“Will you take me to the Shire?”</p><p>-----</p><p>We arrived at the Shire the next day, although it was a much shorter journey than I thought it would be. Travelling with a wild horse pack meant we could canter and gallop a lot more than I would be able to usually. I left the herd close to the Brandywine River and travelled to Bilbo’s house on my own, although it was quite a trek; I didn’t want to burden Vilda any longer, and I didn’t want to separate her from the herd. I called her Vilda because I thought it was a beautiful name, plus it means wild, which I think is rather fitting don’t you?  </p><p>I tried to navigate the village but I end up lost before I can take two steps. Turns out Hobbiton is secretly a labyrinth. I gave up and asked the nearest hobbit where Bag-end is.</p><p>A jolly, round, wrinkled face looked up at me and smiled, “It’s just at the top of that hill lass, happy to see a new face round ‘ere, eh?” he laughed. I smiled back, happy to be in a place of safety for once.</p><p>I made my way up to Bag-end, and stopped for the view once I reached the top of the hill. My stomach clenched as I saw the rolling green fields, peaceful houses, and the odd chicken here and there. I’d always wanted to live somewhere like this. ‘Maybe I should leave Bilbo alone and just live here,’ I thought. I shook my head, ‘Nope, you need to save the line of Durin, you can’t let them suffer the same fate and heartbreak as last time,’ I told myself. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew I could do something about it and didn’t.</p><p>I knocked on the little green door, praying it was Bilbo that answered, not Frodo. I never asked Reuel what the date was, so I didn’t actually know what timeline I’d been dropped in. The door opened, breaking my chain of thought. A very short, brown haired Martin Freeman stood there peering up at me. “Uhhh, can I help you, miss?”</p><p>I grinned and said, “I believe you can Mr. Baggins”</p><p>He invited me in, the polite motherfucker he is, he’d invite a burglar into his house, and I sat down in one of his hella comfy armchairs, mindful not to sit in one of Grandpa Mungo’s chairs. I began to explain my situation,</p><p>“Mr. Baggins, I’ve a vision recently. It concerns you and a few of your friends.”</p><p>-----</p><p>It took me a while to explain the whole damn thing to Bilbo; I won’t bore you with the details, but I decided to explain it as a vision because I thought it would be easier for him to understand. In the end, I knew it would take a lot for him to believe me so I decided to stop pissing around and just ask him. However, before I could, a voice spoke in my head. I couldn’t tell whether it was a man or a woman’s; it seemed feminine but not quite fully, it was high and low, as if there were two voices laid over each other. ‘You can show him, if you so choose. Place your hand in his and focus on the memories’</p><p>I swore, startled. I’m pretty sure Bilbo shit himself too. He seemed shocked by my foul language. “Excuse me?” he questioned, frowning at my use of ‘unladylike’ language.</p><p>“Sorry Mr Baggins, but I can’t help it; it’s how I’ve lived since I was 11.” I smiled at him and he still frowned, but I continued, “If you’d take my hand, I’d like to show my vision?”</p><p>The hobbit nodded his curly little head trustingly, immediately placing his hand in mine. I did what the voice told me to, focusing on the memories I have of watching the hobbit films. I only focused on some main plot points; I didn’t want Bilbo to be burdened by my knowledge.</p><p>Colours swirled and flashed around us, misty pictures of the company fading in and out, finally solidifying to see the laughing faces of Bilbo and the dwarves at Rivendell. It sped up, showing us glimpses of the journey, before focusing on the death scenes of the Durins. I tried to focus on the friendships and feelings that Bilbo would get so he would be more persuaded. By the time it was done, there were tears streaming down my face, and Bilbo looked about as traumatised as I did the first time I watched it. He glanced at me and whispered hoarsely,</p><p>“What do you need me to do?”</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Hobbiton and Bree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bilbo let me stay at his home till the story actually started, and he lent me a few of his larger clothes till I could find some of my own. I tried to offer to go find a job so I could repay him but he wouldn’t hear any of it. He said that it was okay for me to stay but we’d both need to learn some things about how to survive. A few weeks into my stay in Hobbiton, I suggested I ride to Bree to find someone to teach me how to swordfight, and then I can return and teach Bilbo. The hobbit agreed and then said, “You’re going to be gone at least a week, so I might as well learn more about what kind of herbs and wildflowers we can use on the trip.” I nodded and started packing.</p>
<p>Once I had packed and Bilbo approved my clothes I got ready to set off. I was about to step out of the door when he yelled for me to stop, “You’re going to need this!” He handed me a walking stick, “I hand-carved it myself, I didn’t think one of mine would be of any help,” he laughed nervously. He must be quick, because I was only there for a week or two, maximum.</p>
<p>I smiled widely, “Oh Bilbo, I love it!” I wrapped the little hobbit up in a hug, which he didn’t mind, though he squirmed a bit, and then made my way outta the door. Bilbo walked me to the gate and I started making my way to Bree. And lemme tell you, I had begun to get used to journeys like this, with all my running around from Rivendell etc. I was still preeeeeety nervous, I had no fuckin idea how to defend myself, but I needed to do this because Bilbo would need it.</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>Thank the lord that’s over.</p>
<p>Fortunately, I made it to Bree without any major hiccups or attacks, and so once I got there I did a bit of snooping around till I found The Prancing Pony. I figured out that there would be the best place to go for the help I would need, as it would most likely be where all the rangers are. I mean, yeah sure it was nice to finally see humans, but GODDAMM did it smell. Mental note #138: humans here are stinky, sexist, and unhygienic. That was enough for me to want out already.</p>
<p>Eventually, I found a willing ranger to teach me, although I did feel like Eragon from that one awful movie from 2006 where the book was so much better. He literally threw me a stick and started beating me until I fought back. OK, so I’m exaggerating, but it was doggone tiring and hella painful. After a while I could finally hold my own, so I thanked him for the lessons, gave him the few coins Bilbo had given me and made my way back to the inn.</p>
<p>I sat on the creaky bed with its coarse linin blanket (it wasn’t washed often enough to be soft), and contemplated my next move. I could return to Bag-end and teach Bilbo some well needed sword lessons, or I could explore a little bit, or I could, I don’t fucking know, appreciate this masterpiece that Peter Jackson managed to convey onto the screen and simply stay in a state of awe on how much detail, beauty, and life there is in this world. If someone else was there with me, they would have been well confused because I was literally just sat there looking at the wall muttering to myself about the state I was in and what I should do next. I decided to stop being an idiot, get a move on and make my way back to the safety of Hobbiton to practice, and teach, sword fighting with Bilbo.</p>
<p>And so, shoving all my shit into my pack and rolling up the bedroll I was using, dunno about you mate, but I ain’t catching some next level typhus from whatever lice are in that bed, I set off for the shire once more.</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p>Unfortunately, that wasn’t what life had planned for me apparently. Part way back to Bilbo’s, I encountered some elvies. Well, I say “encountered”, I mean I saw some elvish work in a campsite and legged it the other way because however much I might wanna get back to Bilbo I ain’t gonna risk having another run in with those prissy bastards. And yes, I know some are nice, but at the time I didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with them. Breathing heavily, I set up ‘camp’ for the night in a tree far, far away from those pointy-eared knob-jockeys. I know they can hear hella well so it had to be hella far away and even further so the scouts wouldn’t spot me. Knowing I wasn’t gonna get anywhere that day made me pretty nervous and fidgety, cause I needed to get back to Bilbo as soon as possible, but I had to escape the elvies’ notice.</p>
<p>And that, my friends, is where we are now. You’re all caught up, and I’m still in this GODDAMM TREE, waiting for the GODDAMM PIXIES to get a shifty on and skedaddle it outta here. I know what you’re thinking, but dude they’re not pixies and can’t you just walk around? They’re similar enough to pixies and we all know who I’m talking about so I can call them whatever I want hehe, and walking around would take me too long, it would get dark and I wouldn’t be able to make sure that I wasn’t walking straight into an ambush or something else.</p>
<p>I guess we just have to wait until daylight…</p>
<p>-----</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Okay, I’m bored now.</p>
<p>It has been at least a couple hours, and the shadows have stretched ever longer below me. I’ve almost fallen out of this doggone tree multiple times from sheer boredom. Swinging down with my feet tucked into one of the branches, I try to entertain myself but all that happens is that I now have a headache from the blood rushing to my head. I’m too fed up with waiting. Should I just set off? I think I’m just gonna set off. If I get to Hobbiton, great! If I don’t, well......I guess I’ll just work it out in the day.</p>
<p>Trudging through the night, I try to keep my footsteps quiet, but I feel like I’m being louder than an injured orc. In the dark, my eyesight took some time to adapt but I can see pretty far. However, I didn’t see the feckin’ ledge a few foot in front of me. One step after another, I crept forward until…my left foot landed on thin air. The unstable dirt under my other foot seemed to be swept away by a higher being, and my destiny slapped me in the face just as hard as the ground, at the bottom of the godforsaken ravine I have just fallen into, slapped me.</p>
<p>Just before the dark crept into the corners of my sight, all I could think was, I’m not going to survive this.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Bilbo Baggins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>3<sup>rd</sup> person POV</p><p>A few weeks later…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Faint humming floats through the woods surrounding the east edge of the Shire, and the clip clop of a horse and wagon can be heard from the winding paths. A grey pointed hat was visible bobbing up and down on the main road as the source of the noise fades into the distance.</p><p>‘What a wonderful morning to have a smoke’ Bilbo thinks, as he sits on his front garden bench.</p><p>A shadow blocks out the morning sunshine, and our hobbit twitches his nose as it tickles underneath the smoke-butterfly that just landed on it. He opens his eyes, seeing a familiar face dressed in grey standing in front on him.</p><p>“Would you like a seat, Gandalf? You’re blocking my sunshine.”</p><p>Gaping at poor Bilbo, the grey wizard made his way through the gate, and sat down on the bench next to him. Pulling out his own pipe, the two sat in comfortable silence, before Bilbo’s stomach demanded second breakfast, and they make their way inside.</p><p>“Do watch the chandelier; it was my mother’s favourite.”</p><p>Deciding on toast, the master of Bag-End starts on his meal and asks if Gandalf wants any,</p><p>“Toast, Gandalf?”</p><p>“Oh no thank you, I ate on the way,” Gandalf politely declines. “However, I have business that I wish to discuss with you, young Bilbo, if you would be so kind?”</p><p>“I’ve been expecting you for quite a while now, but would you mind terribly if we wait till after breakfast? I find that a full stomach and a nice pot of tea does wonders for those about to discuss important matters.” Bilbo hides his nervousness behind an impressive façade of politeness, learnt from a lifetime of dealing with Sackville-Bagginses.</p><p>Gandalf agreed and Bilbo ate in comfortable silence. </p><p>----</p><p>After the food, they made their way through and sat down at the long table in Bilbo’s parlour, each to his own armchair. Gandalf brings up his business, by merely calling it an adventure and Bilbo has had enough.</p><p>“Gandalf, if you have the nerve to show up to my mother’s smial, after no news for years, not even bothering to show up <em>for her funeral</em> then you shall have the <em>decency</em> to explain to me where I shall be going for this adventure and who I shall be traipsing through Middle-Earth with!” Bilbo angrily retorts. “As Master of Bag-End, I regain the right to this information so I can prepare my lands for my absence. Do you know how many hobbits live on my land and depend on me as master?!”</p><p>The grey wizard, rightfully shamed, apologizes. He explains the details of the journey and those who are coming with. In return, Bilbo informs Gandalf about the mysterious girl with the gift of incredible foresight who stumbled into his home nearly a month ago.</p><p>“She was about <em>so </em>tall, short hair for the race of man, and there was a strange blue streak just behind her ears on each side. But that’s not the weirdest thing…she knew things, things I would never dream of,” Bilbo blinked. “Truthfully, you need to find her Gandalf. The enemy cannot get their hands on that girl.”</p><p>“I…I need to consult Lord Elrond” And with that, he swept out of the room, and hurried out the door.</p><p>Bilbo sighed, sitting down with a quill. He needed to set his affairs in order.</p><p>----</p><p>*Back to meeee*</p><p> </p><p>I had woken up at the bottom of a very large stone…hill? Well, whatever it was, it had some sort of ruin at the top of it and it was extremely eerie. Anyway, I stood shakily to try and figure out where I was. I stumbled, pain shooting up my left leg. I gasped for air, looking at the dirt and blood covering my shin and my twisted ankle.</p><p>I quickly ripped the leg of the trousers I bought at Bree, and used it to wrap around my ankle. I grabbed another strip and wrapped my shin too, even if it wasn’t that bad. The sooner I got to rest it the better, and so I decided to check around for a cave of some description. I found one and camped out for a few days, munching on some wild berries I had found, praying they weren’t poisonous. I guess someone was looking out for me because I didn’t throw them up or experience any nasty side effects.</p><p>By the next day, I had decided that I wasn’t gonna make the trek back to the shire with my ankle in a twist like that (heh geddit?), so I settled for staying in the cave till the swelling went down. So, with that in mind, that week was full of firewood gathering and foraging for edible plants. Luckily I had my survival kit from the ranger at Bree; they didn’t want me adventuring without one. Gotta say I’m glad they did insist on it.</p><p>Anyway, I won’t bore you with the details of those few days of hell. Honestly, with the cold and rain, combined with that creepy ruin on top of the hill, I was ready to hightail it outta there, no matter how bad my ankle was, ugh. I made it through the week till the swelling down on my ankle and I could walk without pain. I suppose I’m glad there wasn’t a shower, because I’m fairly sure that the mud covering my leg stopped it getting infected. Okay, so what happened after that, you ask?</p><p>Well, I thought to walk back to the Shire...but it turns out I went the wrong fuckin way, because I ended up at a familiar looking plain. No, not the Trollshaws, the one with the secret entrance to Rivendell, you know the one. So I snooped around till I found <em>that </em>rock, and sneaked through, trying to stay as quiet as possible. It’s not that I don’t trust the elves, it’s…well, I don’t really trust the elves. I mean, sure, they have the best chance with sending me back home, and I suppose that they are the most in touch with the Valar etc. etc. but they are the most likely to not let me continue on the quest because of the knowledge I bring. Or because I’m a “lady”. Pfft yeah right.</p><p>So basically, I shuffled through the woods in the grounds of Imladris, till I heard a whinny. I froze. God no, tell me they haven’t found me already… wait; there’s too much noise for this to party of elves. It’s a…stable? Oh cool, I’m directly behind the stables. I hadn’t even noticed; I must have zoned out.</p><p>I peek around the corner in case there are any buggers working out here, but there seems to be no stable-hands. Strange, if you ask me. Rounding the corner, I see the most beautiful stallion I’ve seen in my life. Which honestly isn’t saying much, I’ve only seen the wild horses out by the Shire, but still. His coat shone in the morning light, and the mane of hair on him was magnificent. You could really tell someone loved this horse.  I reached out to touch him, not noticing a pair of familiar eyes narrowing at me. When my hand met the soft mane of this stunning horse, a barely audible gasp could be heard. My head whipped around as I searched the area for anyone. I know I heard something so I scurried back out of sight behind the stables and into the forest.</p><p>The wooded area was quite large here, and I could easily see myself building a small home somewhere around this place. So you know what I thought? If I try and find my way back to Bilbo that could result in me getting lost again, or back at the Shire after the young master has already set off. I might as well stay here till the company arrives; I could manage staying hidden somewhat and minimal thieving to survive for a few months right? I mean they get here around midsummer, and it’s the start of spring about now.</p><p>I got to thinking, like where would be best to set up my temporary home, and I found this nice little nook by a tiny stream. It was big enough to give me suitable water but not so that it would be documented by the elves as a place to visit or collect from etc. so I claimed it. I guess it would be cool to live here for a while? I can make frequent trips into the outskirts of Imladris to get stuff I might need I suppose? I should get going with making a nest-thing for tonight before it starts getting dark and cold.</p><p>Dashing back to the stables, I take more care to scope out the area. That gasp can’t have come from nowhere - there must have been one of the pointy-ears looking around. Not to actively avoid them, but you know I kinda don’t want them to find me? I mean sure I could get a much nicer place to stay and better supplies and shit, but there’s also the fact that I don’t know if they would let me go afterwards. Sure, they have badass female elves and stuff, however I’m only a human, a childish looking one at that. If I was an elf, I wouldn’t let me go on the quest either. To be frank, I’m not sure if the dwarves would let me but Bilbo’s my buddy and I’m sure I could convince Gandalf in some way. I can always follow as a not-member. Anyway I’m getting off track.</p><p>I spent a solid ten minutes waiting to make sure nobody saw me, then crept back into one of the stables. What do I need? I mean, another blanket would be nice but I can’t exactly just nick one of those…hmm, what about some hay? Could make a nice mattress-bed thing. I decided to grab some hay and string, as well as a small worn down tarp-lookin cloth. I end up using the string to tie up the tarp as a low roof between some young oak trees that are close together, and stuff the hay underneath it to keep me warm. I constructed some kind of temporary fence with some of the dead twigs and broken branches on the floor, and slathered some mud from by the side of the river on it to keep it sturdy and windproof. Given that it was almost summer, I could cope with the cold for a few nights, and I had what seemed to be an old fashioned sleeping bag – really it was just a bedroll and a thick woollen blanket.</p><p>Looking around, there were some brambles that would soon start producing fruit, and an apple tree not too far away. I would be able to keep from starving but it would probably be necessary to borrow some food and supplies from my neighbours. I guess that will be fun.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Was Bilbo a lil OOC? I tried getting his vibe right, but I can't stand it when he's written as a hopeless, gaping hobbit with no common sensibilities...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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